A school principal once gave me two options for my four-year-old son. She could paddle him, or I could come pick him up and he could try again next year. I hung up the phone, went and got him, and that was the day we started homeschooling. It was not the beginning I had planned — and it’s the reason why we homeschool that I don’t talk about often, because even now it brings something up in me.
I’m Maryellen, a former pediatric nurse and mom of four neurodivergent kids. We’ve been homeschooling for eight years. The reasons why we homeschool today are completely different from the reasons we started, and I think that’s worth being honest about.
Why We Homeschool & How It All Started
I did not grow up thinking I would homeschool. I had genuinely happy memories of school — the friends, the activities, the structure. I wanted some of that for my kids. When my oldest was four, the timing felt perfect. I had just had my second child and thought a school program would be a great outlet for my older son while I had some one-on-one time with the baby. We were living in Louisiana, our friends used a local Christian private school, and so we enrolled him there too.
The phone calls started quickly. On the bus he was standing up while it was moving, squirting water at other kids. At school he was touching other kids, digging through the teacher’s supplies, grabbing the pointer from the chalkboard. During rest time, if he didn’t fall asleep, he’d cut paper into tiny pieces. He didn’t respond to authority the way the school expected. And then came the call from the principal with her two options.
I want to sit with that for a moment, because it took me a long time to even talk about this publicly. I felt — and still feel — intense guilt about having put my four-year-old in an environment where the administration considered hitting him a reasonable solution to his behavior. At the time I didn’t have the language yet for who he was or how to advocate for him. I just knew that wasn’t happening. So I went and got him.
What I Understand Now That I Didn’t Then
That school was built for kids who could sit for long periods, comply with structure, and do desk-heavy work. My son’s brain has never worked that way. Looking back, a public school likely would have been a better fit — those teachers often have more experience with young children’s behavior. A Montessori environment, with its hands-on and movement-friendly approach, probably would have suited him well too.
The problem wasn’t just my son. Yes, he was doing things he shouldn’t have been doing — I’m not excusing the behavior. But there was a fundamental mismatch between who he is and the environment I had put him in. That realization took time. School fit matters, and when a child is struggling, it is worth asking whether the environment is part of the problem before assuming the child is entirely the problem.
This is something I think about a lot when I talk to parents who are trying to figure out why we homeschool and why it works for some families and not others. It’s rarely one factor. It’s usually a combination of the child, the environment, the available options, and what a family can realistically sustain.
Why We Homeschool Still
Eight years in, the reasons why we homeschool have shifted significantly. We’re not homeschooling because of a crisis anymore. We’re homeschooling because it’s genuinely the best option for our kids right now.
My oldest son’s neuropsychologist recommends it. He has severe dyslexia, and his anxiety around reading and writing is significant. His doctor’s assessment is that a traditional school environment would likely increase his behavioral struggles and further damage his already fragile self-esteem. Working with him one-on-one is something that’s genuinely hard to replicate in a traditional setting.
Even with special education services, many children spend limited time with a credentialed special ed teacher and rely heavily on paraprofessionals who may not have the same specialized training. And many schools, even well-intentioned ones, haven’t caught up with current dyslexia research — or are limited by what they can fund. One mom writing for Understood captured it well — many teachers know surprisingly little about dyslexia, and the families carrying that gap are exhausted. If that resonates with you, you’re not alone.
Our kids also have a lot of appointments. Therapies, evaluations, specialist visits. If they were in traditional school I would be pulling them constantly, which would affect their progress and their sense of stability. Homeschooling lets me build our days around what they actually need. For more on how we structure that practically, my post on how to schedule homeschool around appointments walks through exactly how we do it.
And honestly — I know my kids in a way I wouldn’t otherwise. When you’re the one sitting with them as they learn, you see how their brain works, where they get stuck, what lights them up. That depth of knowing them has made me a better advocate for them in every other setting too.
Homeschooling Is Not All or Nothing
I see a lot of parents treating this as a permanent, irreversible decision and that’s not how we approach it at all. Why we homeschool is a question we revisit for each child individually. My oldest two will likely continue homeschooling. My second son — we’re considering whether public high school might actually be a good fit for him as he gets older. My daughter is approaching kindergarten age and I’ve been seriously weighing a school that’s specifically designed for neurodivergent learners with a hands-on curriculum. I haven’t decided yet.
Homeschooling costs something real. For our family it meant me leaving my nursing career and giving up that income. That was a significant lifestyle change and it’s not something every family can do. I don’t say that to discourage anyone — I say it because I think honesty about the real costs matters more than making it sound easy. If you’re weighing this decision, you deserve the full picture, not just the highlight reel.
You also don’t have to choose it forever. You just have to figure out what your child needs right now. What works this year might not be what works in three years — and that’s okay. The goal is always the child, not the method.
What I Wish I Had Known Earlier
I wish someone had told me earlier that struggling in school doesn’t mean a child is broken. It might mean the environment isn’t built for them. I wish I had understood sooner that advocating for your child sometimes means making choices that look unconventional from the outside. And I wish I had given myself more grace for the decisions I made before I had the knowledge and language I have now.
If you’re in that place right now — trying to figure out whether homeschooling could be right for your family — I hope our story of why we homeschool and continue to has given you something honest to hold onto. Not a perfect answer. Just a real one from someone who has been navigating why we homeschool for eight years and is still figuring it out alongside you. For a deeper look at what neurodivergent parenting actually looks like day to day, my post on raising neurodivergent kids is a good place to continue.
Are you homeschooling your neurodivergent kids? What made you start — and what’s keeping you going? I’d love to hear your story in the comments.
Leave a Reply